Adventureless in Adventureland

There has been a recent trend in movies that applies to a simple mathematical formula.

Tiny mid-west town + young and quirky/socially inept protagonist + series of equally quirky/inept background characters = indie comedy.

Adventureland is no different from the other cloned-ly unique movies.

Young James is fresh from the college world, and during the summer of 1987, the only job he can swing is working at Adventureland, the local amusement park. Despite his awkwardness he manages to hookup with Emily, the marginally hot girl who also works there. Together, they weather the trials and tribulations of their relationship with help from the endless supply of neurotic characters.


James is played by Jesse Eisenberg, and as per usual, he plays his awkward, shy, dorky character to a freaking T. While this is a good thing for an otherwise unimpressive movie, but it makes me worry for his career. Type-casting is a dangerous thing, and before you know it, Jesse will be trying to re-invent himself like Michael Cera. He is the slightly yellow banana in an otherwise green movie.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL KRISTEN STEWART THAT SHE CAN'T ACT? Seriously, you could have replaced her with a talking slab of wood and the role of the love interest would have been more convincing -- actually, it would have been pretty fantastic because, you know, a talking slab of wood is an impressive thing to see.

I thought Ryan Reynolds would be the saving grace of the movie, that he would play a snarky, witty and vulgar park repairman, but instead he played a creepy, lying dirt bag. Normally I'd consider his presence to be a boon for any movie, but I think he may have been a hindrance here.

There are a few bright spots. Martin Starr does a convincing job as James depressive friend and Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig (of SNL fame) provide some of the movies genuinely funny moments as the parks quiet but weird managers.

The movie does, at times, capture the perfect beauty of the timid romantic interactions.

It isn't that the movie is bad, it's just bland, it's mouthwash, it's the newspaper, it's going to bed at 9:30. It isn't funny enough to be a comedy, nor is it dramatic enough to be a drama, it just listlessly weaves between the two like a drunk driver on an empty two lane road.

I give it 2.5. stars and a deep, melancholic sigh.

Get Him To The Greek gets into your blood

Get Him To the Greek is a cross between American Pie and Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, and I mean that in a good way.


Have you seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall? NO? Than watch it right now and cry yourself a puddle of shame.

Russell Brand once again plays his cartoonish yet charming rock star character Aldous Snow (I guess technically you don't have to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall to get the movie -- in fact, it doesn't matter at all, but you should still rent Forgetting Sarah Marshall.) He is doped up on everything from coke to something called Jeffery and hapless record label lackey Aaron Green (played by the funny-as-fuck Jonah Hill) has to get him from London to his career-saving concert in L.A. in the span of 3 days.

The humor is amazingly crass and fantastic, but the plot doesn't lean on that, nor does it rely on wacky road trip shenanigans (although there are a few). The story is all about Aaron and Aldous figuring out who and what they are and their relationships to the people around them. This is what gives the movie its manic energy that makes you feel like downing a bottle of Jack and head for the desert with nothing but a handgun and a fist full of pills.

While Russell Brand and Jonah Hill are hilarious, the guy who really had me busting my guts all over the already sticky movie theater floor was Puff Daddy. That's right, motherfucking P. Diddy plays Sergio, the record company boss that Aaron must appease to keep his job. You may think I may be joking, you may think it impossible, but when you see Sean "P. Diddy" Combs rubbing his hands all over a fur wall, you will know what I am talking about.

Nicholas Stoller (the man who directed Forgetting Sarah Marshall), a directing n00b as it were, does a magnificent job of channeling the humor into the valley of the story. Too often directors let their comedic actors verbally wander around the scene (I'm looking at you, Will Ferrell) and the plot suffers as a result, but The Greek has none of these issues while still having you roll around in a pile of your own mirth.

I dare you to watch this movie and NOT want to drink half a bottle of vodka while listening to The Clash.

I give it 5 stars

Pandorum: The Horrible Horror Of Space.

I just watched Pandorum and I was totally surprised.

In the future, we find a new planet and figure, "Hey, let's colonize." This, of course, means we pile all manner of life into one giant space ship, put the crew into a deep space-sleep, and hope for the best.

But something goes horribly wrong. Space-wrong.

It seems that during the journey, half the crew became mutants.

Bower (played by Ben Foster from 30 Days of Night) and Payton (played by Dennis Quaid from The Rookie) wake up from their hyper-techno space-sleep with no idea who they are, where they are, why the ship isn't working or what is going on. Bower tries to get to the main reactor through vent systems and such while Payton gives him directions... space-directions.

Bower gets cut off from his walkie-talkie and Payton, but he finds other survivors and a whole mess of violent monster mutants. While Bower climbs through vents systems and such, Payton is left alone... sort of.

The plot twists in some unexpected ways. Twists about the mutants, Bower, Payton, and the entire mission.

The entire movie takes place on a broken spaceship, so it looks like every other broken-spaceship-movie, meaning everything looks like a submarine with computer screens and tubes. The lighting is all green flashlights and blue lens filters, which can be slightly annoying but ultimately does not detract from the film.

I give it 3.5 stars... 3.5 space-stars