Defendor

Superhero movies are supposed to be action packed, and they are supposed to make you laugh, not make you cry. This is why Defendor stands out in the genre.

Woody Harrelson plays Defendor, a Batman-esque bad-ass who is a little simple in the brain. With an arsenal of marbles, wasps, and lime juice, he tirelessly pursues the man he believes killed his mother. Kat Dennings plays a drug addict who befriends Defendor and halfheartedly aids him in his quest.

The reason this movie had my eyes welling up with salty tears at the end is that Harrelson doesn't play up his characters mental shortcomings for comedy -- he isn't a half-wit with underwear on his head. Harrelson plays Defendor with honesty and simplicity. He is just a guy who sees the world like a comic book.

The comedy comes from the remarkable effectiveness of his wacky weaponry. Imagine if Batman had only $20 for a budget or McGuyver was a bit more violent. Defendor flings jars of wasps and picks locks with nothing but Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum and a firecracker.

This was Peter Stebbings's first time donning the cowl of screenwriter and director. He does a wonderful job, an almost impossibly wonderful job. I wouldn't be surprised if Stebbings had some voodoo going for him or a deal with the devil -- seriously, your first shot from behind the camera shouldn't be this smooth and fantastic.

The movie will make you laugh, the ending will make you bawl.
4 stars.

The Losers: The Most Aptly Named Movie Of All Time

If you are thinking about seeing The Losers, don't. Just watch some old episodes of The A-Team.


It pretty much is an A-Team rip off. A special ops military unit comprised of a bunch of oddballs gets fucked over by a shadowy government figure and vows revenge. The only difference is these guys don't stop to help senior citizens save their rest home or bust up drug rings.

I'd talk about the cast, but other than Chris Evans (the K-Mart Ryan Reynolds), the only person I recognized was Zoe Saldana, who wasn't 8 feet tall and blue this time around, and she didn't do much acting, she was just there to look smokin' hot while holding a gun (which, to her credit, she did well).

The plot was used, the dialogue was limp and the action could have been b-roll from any one of the Die Hard movies.

I give it 2 stars and a middle finger.

Iron Man 2: Now with more AC/DC

Iron Man 2 is a solid movie, no doubt about it.

If the first Iron Man was an AC/DC tour, Iron Man 2 would be more like an AC/DC reunion tour. It's the same songs again, but it still rocks hard.

The entire cast has returned, except for Terrence "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" Howard, who left due to a fallout with Marvel for unknown reasons coughMONEYcough. He is replaced with Don Cheadle.

The plot is like the first. Tony Stark has a neat toy, someone else wants his neat toy and tries to build a better toy which Tony promptly pounds into rubble. This time around it is Justin Hammer (played by Sam Rockwell) who is the dime store version of Stark. Hammer employs tattooed Russian psycho Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke) after he sees him in action with some electric whips. Needless to say, hijinks ensue.

I think the point where Robert Downey ends and Tony Stark begins is starting to blur like my vision when I'm drunk. If there is any fault in Downey's portrayal of Tony Stark, is that he is a little too accurate with his narcissism and cleverness.

Gwyneth Paltrow still does a good job as Pepper Pots, the anchor that keeps Stark from drifting in a haze.

Don Cheadle, who had the toughest role of all, stepping into the shoes of another actor, did great. He fit in pretty seamlessly and his opening dialogue was awesome.

Sam Rockwell takes his performance as a third rate weapons mogul and knocks it out of the park. His every motion, every word, is like someone took a pound of Robert Downey and cut it with baby laxative.

Scarlett Johansson... well, to quote Tony Stark, "I want one!"

I could go on about the cast -- talk about how fantastic Samuel L. Jackson was, or how bad-ass Micky Rourke looked covered in Russian prison tats, or even how great Jon Favreau was as Happy, the hapless bodyguard -- but I would just be babbling about how great they all were.

Speaking of Favreau, he really did a bang-up job with the directing. A lot of people forget that the best part of an action movie is the comedy, but this movie had it in big honking spades, thanks to Jon.

The franchise is not without its faults: the plot was a replica of the first one but with more robots and less terrorists; AC/DC is a wonderful band, but using them as musical back bone is annoying; and if I see one more Iron Man ad that isn't for the movie, I am going to buy an Audi Spyder just so I can crash it into a 7-11.

The movie is 4 stars all the way. Go see it.