A Double Feature In Three Dimensions

Little known fact: any two movies at the theater can be a double feature as long as you sneak into one of them.



Tangled is the story of Rapunzel... sort of. Rapunzel (voiced by Mandy Moore) has lived her entire life in a secret tower, and her only friends are her pet chameleon and Mother Gothel, a woman Rapunzel believes is her mother, but is a mean bitch who has kept the girl hidden away because of the healing powers her hair possesses. Her curiosity gets the better of her when she meets Flynn, a robber on the run from the law, together they venture to the kingdom to see the floating lights that appear every year on her birthday.

The movie is very entertaining, especially the chameleon and the palace guard horse that tracks the lead characters like a bloodhound (not a metaphor.)

The songs are completely forgettable, and I am being literal: I cannot remember a single lyric from any one of the songs. They aren't even long enough to be considered real songs, it's like the music guy at Disney realized he'd forgotten to write any songs before the thing went into production and so he jotted the lyrics down on a napkin during a twenty-minute lunch break.

Disney finally proves that it is still in the fucking game when it comes to animation. For many long years, anything Disney did kind of got steam-rolled under the mighty Pixar machine, and while Tangled isn't quite as good as Wall-E or Toy Story, it is miles above some of the direct-to-DVD schlock Disney has been pumping out like toxic sludge. For once the 3D actually enhanced the quality, embedding the watcher in the scenery instead of just presenting it.

The cast was par, as in not sub-par, except Zachery Levi (Chuck), who voiced Flynn, he brought the comedy up to another level. His every line had me giggling, his timing and delivery are priceless.

Tangled gets 3.8 stars.

Up next is Megamind.

Megamind (Will Ferrell, Elf, Anchorman, SNL) is an alien who was sent to Earth as a baby when his planet was blown into chunks. Unfortunately his spaceship lands, not in Kansas, but in a prison, and the inmates raise him to be a villain. He does the usual evil-doer things, has a lair, a Minion (David Cross, Year One, Kung Fu Panda)and his enemy, superhero Megaman (voiced by Brad Pitt, Ocean's 11-13.) When Megamind destroys Megaman, what will he do? How will his life change? When he looks in the mirror will he like the giant blue head that stares back at him?

I love any movie that lets you peek behind the cape and get a look at the real person and their life, whether it is Megamind or Watchmen or... well, I guess it is really only the two, but still, it is incredibly interesting to see how these people tick.

The awkward social mess that Will Ferrell usually lends itself very well to this animated caper. If it had been live action and he had been playing some kind of football star, I am sure I would have been throwing things at the screen, but as an animated super villain with a giant blue head, he had me laughing.

Tina Fey, who plays the love interest Roxanne Ricthi, is freaking hilarious. I cannot say that enough, she is freaking hilarious.

In fact, they are all freaking hilarious: Jonah Jill, David Cross, all of them except Brad Pitt. Maybe his character wasn't meant to be funny, maybe it just wasn't great writing, or maybe it was just bad acting; either way it felt like Brad phoned it in a little with that one.

The animation is good, not great, but better than most of the other animated movies Dreamworks spits out. The 3D didn't really add anything to it, but seeing as how I didn't pay for my ticket, I'll let that slide.

Megamind gets 3.6 stars

Super Capers: Strong Concept, Mild Mannered Finish

The idea sounded so good: wannabe superhero Ed (played by Justin Whalin from Lois & Clark) is sentenced by The Judge (Michael Rooker, the bald guy from Mallrats and the biker in The Walking Dead) to become part of the Super Capers, a rag-tag group of superheroes in training.

I was hoping for something like The Watchmen meets "Seinfeld," but what I got was "Scooby Doo" meets 1960s "Batman." (Which, for the record, did happen and was awesome.) The movie is waaaay too corny and cartoony; as an example, I'd say well over half of the sound effects were blatantly lifted from old episodes of "Loony Toons."

Sam Lloyd, who played the sad sack lawyer Ted who lived with his mother on "Scrubs," now plays the sad sack superhero Brainard, who also lives with his mother. It's such a stretch, I know.

Ray McPartlin, who plays the confidence-oozing and somewhat looks-obsessed Devon on Chuck now plays the confidence-oozing and somewhat looks-obsessed Will Powers. Try to keep your mind from boggling.

Like a dyslexic kid doing algebra, Super Capers tries really hard, struggles, and fails. The writer/director Ray Griggs was obviously trying to emulate the humor from the Adam West era "Batman" show, but what most people don't realize is "Batman" was funny because it wasn't trying to be funny, it was like a puppy chasing its tail, it makes you laugh but the puppy was never trying to make you laugh.

The best part of this movie is when I recognized the beautiful Danielle Harris as the little girl from Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Meyers.

1.8 exploding home planets


Much better than Super Capers

Defendor

Superhero movies are supposed to be action packed, and they are supposed to make you laugh, not make you cry. This is why Defendor stands out in the genre.

Woody Harrelson plays Defendor, a Batman-esque bad-ass who is a little simple in the brain. With an arsenal of marbles, wasps, and lime juice, he tirelessly pursues the man he believes killed his mother. Kat Dennings plays a drug addict who befriends Defendor and halfheartedly aids him in his quest.

The reason this movie had my eyes welling up with salty tears at the end is that Harrelson doesn't play up his characters mental shortcomings for comedy -- he isn't a half-wit with underwear on his head. Harrelson plays Defendor with honesty and simplicity. He is just a guy who sees the world like a comic book.

The comedy comes from the remarkable effectiveness of his wacky weaponry. Imagine if Batman had only $20 for a budget or McGuyver was a bit more violent. Defendor flings jars of wasps and picks locks with nothing but Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum and a firecracker.

This was Peter Stebbings's first time donning the cowl of screenwriter and director. He does a wonderful job, an almost impossibly wonderful job. I wouldn't be surprised if Stebbings had some voodoo going for him or a deal with the devil -- seriously, your first shot from behind the camera shouldn't be this smooth and fantastic.

The movie will make you laugh, the ending will make you bawl.
4 stars.

Iron Man 2: Now with more AC/DC

Iron Man 2 is a solid movie, no doubt about it.

If the first Iron Man was an AC/DC tour, Iron Man 2 would be more like an AC/DC reunion tour. It's the same songs again, but it still rocks hard.

The entire cast has returned, except for Terrence "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" Howard, who left due to a fallout with Marvel for unknown reasons coughMONEYcough. He is replaced with Don Cheadle.

The plot is like the first. Tony Stark has a neat toy, someone else wants his neat toy and tries to build a better toy which Tony promptly pounds into rubble. This time around it is Justin Hammer (played by Sam Rockwell) who is the dime store version of Stark. Hammer employs tattooed Russian psycho Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke) after he sees him in action with some electric whips. Needless to say, hijinks ensue.

I think the point where Robert Downey ends and Tony Stark begins is starting to blur like my vision when I'm drunk. If there is any fault in Downey's portrayal of Tony Stark, is that he is a little too accurate with his narcissism and cleverness.

Gwyneth Paltrow still does a good job as Pepper Pots, the anchor that keeps Stark from drifting in a haze.

Don Cheadle, who had the toughest role of all, stepping into the shoes of another actor, did great. He fit in pretty seamlessly and his opening dialogue was awesome.

Sam Rockwell takes his performance as a third rate weapons mogul and knocks it out of the park. His every motion, every word, is like someone took a pound of Robert Downey and cut it with baby laxative.

Scarlett Johansson... well, to quote Tony Stark, "I want one!"

I could go on about the cast -- talk about how fantastic Samuel L. Jackson was, or how bad-ass Micky Rourke looked covered in Russian prison tats, or even how great Jon Favreau was as Happy, the hapless bodyguard -- but I would just be babbling about how great they all were.

Speaking of Favreau, he really did a bang-up job with the directing. A lot of people forget that the best part of an action movie is the comedy, but this movie had it in big honking spades, thanks to Jon.

The franchise is not without its faults: the plot was a replica of the first one but with more robots and less terrorists; AC/DC is a wonderful band, but using them as musical back bone is annoying; and if I see one more Iron Man ad that isn't for the movie, I am going to buy an Audi Spyder just so I can crash it into a 7-11.

The movie is 4 stars all the way. Go see it.

Kick-Ass kicks ass

Simply put, Kick-Ass kicks ass.

David Lizeweski (played by Aaron Johnson) has had enough of his dull-as-dirt teenage life and the muggings that punctuate it. Inspired by the comics he reads, he dons a green suit and hits the streets as the hero Kick-Ass, which in turn inspires ex-cop Damon Macready and his slightly psychotic daughter Mindy (played by Nicolas Cage and Chloe Moretz, respectively) to join him as Big Daddy and Hit Girl. Together they team up to take down crime.

The movie has what every superhero movie needs to be good: enough heart to be entertaining and enough violence to keep you interested. It has the same feel as the first Spiderman movie (a feeling the second Spiderman fell short of and the third one ignored): it's just about a kid trying to make the world he lives in a better one.

While Aaron Johnson and Nicolas Cage both do a great job, the real break out performance comes from Chloe Moretz as Hit Girl. Her action scenes are fucking fantastic and she talks like a seasoned sailor. She may be 12, but damned if I don't want to hang out with her. If for no other reason, go see this movie to watch a little girl slaughter the shit out of drug dealers while J-pop plays in the background.

The comic book jokes and references are light, but plentiful enough to make nerds like me giggle. The soundtrack does a great job of amping up the fight scenes and climaxing the drama. It's all around good times.

It's a great superhero movie: well-directed, well-acted, well-written. It's Batman, but with guns; it's Superman, but with fighting; it's Fantastic Four, but without all the sucking.

5 stars way up.